Teenage Dreamer
by CreamyPancakeLover
Summary: Carmen Howle isn't ordinary. She goes through lots of things in her life, and she faces it, along with the gang she's in. But a certain incident that happens when she's at a party with the DG kids changes her life forever. A rival group is after the gang, and Carmen is going through different stages of an illness of sorts...but what will her decision be? Carmen/Johnny
1. Chapter 1

_You may think I'm just an ordinary girl. You may think that I have a perfectly ordinary life, with a perfectly normal family, perfectly normal friends. Well you're wrong. I'm not normal and ordinary, not a single bit._

_First things first, I'm a care kid. I was dumped by my mum so she could go and live in Spain with her horrible boyfriend Lee, and his quite nice daughter Riley. But I never told anyone about Riley. I knew she wanted to stay with Lee, even if it was only because she wanted to make sure he never threatened anyone, including me. So I kept my mouth shut._

_Second of all, I went from being the girliest girl ever to the most cold, cruel, tomboy girl in the Dumping Ground. But nobody understood why. Nobody except me. You see, I met people. A gang, you could call it. And they opened my eyes to so many things. I owe them a lot of what I have become. It was all down to them._

_I never told anybody what I was getting into, otherwise they would stop me. I didn't want them to stop me. But as time passed, a particular person got so badly involved I was scared for his life…and mine._

_But you'll find out why. Because my name is Carmen Howle. I'm fourteen years old, and this is my story._


	2. Chapter 2

It all started on the day I was going to see Lily's new apartment for the first time. I was just walking along, when all of a sudden I heard footsteps run up behind me and grab me.

"Give me all your money, girl." A man's voice hissed, and he was holding me so tightly I felt like I was being strangled. "Give me all you've got, phone, money, everything, and you won't get hurt."

"No!" I shouted, but he muffled me with his hands.

"Right." He said angrily, and his hands began to feel in my bag for the money.

The Burnywood instinct hadn't quite faded from inside me. I had to react, and I knew it very well. My elbow suddenly came crashing backwards into the man's chest, causing him to stumble back. I kicked his knee, causing him to yelp and hop around a little.

"Why you little..." he growled and I saw the shine of a knife.

But all of a sudden I saw am girl grab him out of nowhere, throwing the knife right across the road. The girl was whacking and hitting him.

"Get the fuck out of here you creep." She said, when she was finished. He scrambled away. It was weird, she was most likely half his age and he was running away like a little girl. She turned to me. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks for that." I said, brushing myself down.

"You know, you've got some moves, I'm impressed. What's your name?" she asked.

"I'm Carmen." I told her, smiling.

"Jenna. Hey…Carmen, can I ask you something?" she bit her lip. "It may seem so fast, but…I'm in a gang, and there are some younger kids, but they don't really know any self defense, do you reckon you could teach them some?"

That's how it all started. At first I was just temporary. But one day, Jenna and the head leader guy, Nate, got me alone.

"Listen, Carmen, you know how at first you were only going to stay for a short time." Jenna said.

"Well, we like you. A lot. In fact, we want you to stay in the gang with us." Nate said.

"Really?!" I said, smiling brightly. I honestly really liked these guys.

"Of course. You're a bright spark, kiddo, and we want you around. But first, we need to change the way you dress and stuff. Jenna and Miranda will help." Nate said, and he ruffled my hair and walked off.

Soon enough, Jenna and Miranda had me in jeans and hoodies and trainers. I let my hair loose and I wore necessary make up and soon enough, there I was. I looked the part, and I already knew how to act the part.

The first time I stayed with them the boy my age, Freddy, explained the rules and stuff. Then he gave me a cigarette. I was twelve years old then, by the way. I took it, I smoked it, and that's when it all began. Soon I was drinking alcohol, smoking, and later on down the line, the moment I hit thirteen, I asked to try the drugs.

Everyone usually took them, except the younger ones, and I was even more curious about that than I had been about anything.

"Can I try some morphine?" I asked, and they glanced at each other.

"Okay." Georgia finally said. "You're 13 now anyway." And she gave me some.

I had never ever felt more alive in my entire life. From there, things were completely different, but not just with the gang…


	3. Chapter 3

"Where the fuck have you been?!" Liam demanded the minute he opened the door to Elm Tree. I'd never, ever broken curfew before, especially not by 6 hours, even when I had been in the gang before…six whole hours, it was a record for anyone in the DG. Lovely. Liam pulled me inside and slammed the door.

He marched me to the living room where everyone was sitting round in their pyjamas, looking worried.

Tee saw me and leaped up, running over to hug me. I awkwardly patted her back.

"What's the problem?" I asked.

"You've broken curfew by SIX hours Carmen! SIX! We were so worried something had happened to you." Tracy said.

"Are you okay?" Johnny asked.

"I'm fine. No need to make a fuss." I said, though when Johnny looked up into my eyes I reddened and looked away. I turned and headed out of the living room.

"Carmen Howle, get back here this instant!" Gina shouted.

"NO!" I shouted back from upstairs. "I'm not a little kid any more!"

I slammed my bedroom door as I walked in. It had been redecorated ages ago, and was no longer pink, but dark blue with white stars and a yellow moon. I got into my PJs, took off my makeup and let down my hair. I turned off the light and got into bed, closing my eyes and falling asleep almost instantly.

I woke up at 7:00 on the dot. I put on my usual makeup, got dressed and brushed my hair. I grabbed the salvaged money (courtesy of the gang) and slipped it into my jeans pocket. I put on my trainers and my hoodie. I pulled up my hood and left my room, using my stolen key to lock in behind me. I put my key in the other pocket and walked downstairs.

"Carmen, we need to talk." Tracy said as soon as she left the living room with the other kids.

"No." I said, and I headed for the door.

"You're not going out again!" Liam said, grabbing my shoulders and harshly pulling me. He shook me slightly when I started laughing. "Are you mad?!" he asked, throwing his arms up in frustration.

In the process, his hand slammed hard across my face, causing my head to be thrown sideways. Everyone gasped.

"Carmen, I'm so…" Liam began, but I had already leaped.

I began punching and hitting everywhere I could reach. I smacked his eye with my fist and he yelled out, reeling back. "I'm going out." I hissed. "You can't stop me. NONE of you can. You don't understand me." I said, and I glanced at Liam evenly. He removed his hand to reveal a black eye.

I smirked in satisfaction and walked out, slamming the door behind me. I began to walk and then heard the door open behind me. Someone placed a gentle hand on my shoulder and I angrily whirled round…then relaxed. It was Johnny.

"We're just worried about you." He said quietly.

"They don't care about me." I growled.

"I do." Johnny said. "Tee does, Tracy does."

"Yeah, but you can't name anyone else now." I said, though I was blushing.

"Maybe not right now, since they're all shocked with you beating up Liam." Johnny said. "But we all love you, Carmen."

"No you don't!" I suddenly snapped. "None of you love me or else you would respect my decisions!" I turned away.

"I respect your decisions. Just please be careful." Johnny said. "I don't want to see you get hurt."

I froze then turned to face him. I walked up to him again and he tensed. But I planted a kiss onto his cheek.

"I'll be fine." I said, then walked away. "Don't worry about me." I called over my shoulder.


	4. Chapter 4

After that, they gave up on me. I always skipped the punishment so they just left me alone. Until one night…

"Kids, Gina and Tracy and I are going to visit another care home today so you lot are going to Sara Crook's party, except Harry because he's going to Sapphire's." Mike said.

Everyone groaned except me. I remained silent, waiting for Mike to tell me that I wasn't going. But he didn't.

"Carmen, wear something nice instead of those teenager clothes, yeah?" Gina said.

"Fine." I said, shrugging.

I was ready for this. The girls had taught me how to play this. I wore a short black sticky-out skirt, a hot pink camisole and the black ankle boots I had stolen. I put on my usual makeup plus lipstick, and I put in my special pink hoop earrings. I straightened my hair and then it was time to go.

I walked downstairs, making sure my hair was straight completely, then I walked to the door. Mike and the others were staring.

"What?!" I demanded. "You said don't wear the teenage clothes."

At the party, it was so fun. But…at one point…

Well, me and the other kids had been drinking alcohol…just for fun. And then I ended up dancing with Johnny…and then…

Then I woke up. I thought it was all just a dream until I looked to my side and saw Johnny Taylor asleep beside me.

I let out a gasp and noticed both our clothes were thrown into a corner. I ran over and got dressed, my eyes wide.

"No. No no no!" I ran from the room, my heels clacking against the floor. I realized I must have _slept _with him!

"Fuck!" I shouted, placing my hands to my forehead. "No!"

"Are you okay?" Sara asked, and I felt my head start to spin wildly. I ran to the bathroom and I was sick into it, with Sara holding back my hair. Then something that wasn't because of what I did rose inside me and I threw up all over again. I got myself cleaned up and when Sara and I left the bathroom, there he was.

I felt tears prickle in my eyes. He didn't know and I wasn't going to say a word. He'd eventually remember but for now I wasn't saying a word.

I walked out of the house and ran back to the Dumping Ground. I quickly changed into jeans, trainers, a black top and hoodie and walked downstairs again. But I saw Lily on the way.

"Slut." She muttered, pushing past me.

"Slutty Carmen." Tee growled, storming past too.

"Slut." Liam.

"Slut." Sapphire.

"Slut!" Frank.

I ran back into my room, using my key to lock myself in. Then I grabbed a huge suitcase and my backpack and I began throwing things in. Memories, clothes, makeup, hairbrush, and I managed to sneak toothbrush and toothpaste in. Soon, I had packed everything, including another backpack with my camping set. I heard the kids turning up the TV really loud downstairs and I took that opportunity to drop the bags down. I unlocked my bedroom door, hid the key, and then climbed out of the window.

I grabbed the suitcase and backpacks, slinging the backpacks on my back and putting the suitcase strap over my body, so they were all on my back. Then I ran. I was used to carrying a lot of weight so it didn't hurt.

I knew exactly where I was going to go.


	5. Chapter 5

As soon as I got there I saw Nate and Cassandra beating up some other girls. Everyone was fighting and I gasped.

"THIS. ISN'T. OVER!" the other gang screamed, then ran away.

Jenna turned and saw me standing there. I was crying again and my mascara was dripping. Mascara tears. I closed my eyes and let the pain wash over me. I shuddered violently and cried, dropping to the floor and sobbing.

I felt them take my bags and then I was gently lifted up by Jenna. She put my over by the fire, and I grabbed a drink full of morphine. I downed it in one and gasped at the pain in my stomach. I placed a hand on it.

"Please." I whispered.

I told them everything, and Jenna wrapped her arms around me and held me and told me it would be fine.

"Get some sleep in Jenna's tent." Nate said. "We'll explain the gang in the morning, and then the girls will take you to get a pregnancy test, okay?"

I nodded and went straight to sleep, ignoring the searing pain in my stomach.

"So basically they're our rivals. They want to kill us." Nate finished. I was so shocked, but I nodded.

"So I have to be on guard." I said.

"We all do." He replied.

Then it was time. Jenna and all the other girls (Georgia, Cassandra, Miranda, Katherine, Jade, Ashley, Jillian, Tina, Rachel, Sara and Maria) took me out.

We were just heading to a pharmacy when we entered the town when I saw them. It was the DG kids…they were laughing and chatting and walking. Lily had pulled Johnny away from the crowd.

"Forget about her." She whispered, and she kissed him, sliding her arms around his neck.

His hands moved to her waist and I turned away, crying silently. Maria, Rachel and Jillian put their arms around me, whispering that it would be fine. I headed into the pharmacy with mascara-streaked cheeks, not caring. The others followed me confidently.

We bought a couple of pregnancy tests and I ran into the nearest bathroom and took them all, then sat in the locked cubicle, waiting.

"Three minutes." Jillian said.

I was so scared I couldn't breathe. I didn't dare open my eyes. "I don't want to, I'm so scared!"

"Carmen you have to." The little voice of Ashley piped up.

The even littler voice of Jade spoke. "Yeah, you really do."

"But what if I get kicked out of the gang if I am pregnant?! I don't want to lose you guys, I really don't!"

"You won't be thrown out Carmen. Remember, Georgia had a baby a few years back and she's raising it in the camp." Jenna said.

"Just check it." Georgia said.

"It will be alright." Sara said.

I took a deep, shuddering breath. And I nodded. "You're right, you're right, just give me a minute." I took more breaths in and out until finally I forced the courage to open my eyes and bring the pregnancy tests up into my line of sight. My breath was still caught in my throat and I was so scared but I knew I had to.

I checked each pregnancy test. At first I was speechless. Then I put my head in my hands and full on screamed. I was sobbing and choking and kicking and screaming.

"NO! NO! NO! PLEASE NO!" I held my head in my hands, reducing to sobbing and choking. Especially after seeing Johnny and Lily back there I just couldn't deal with it.

_Positive._


	6. Chapter 6

I was too shocked to move but eventually I violently flushed the pregnancy tests away and walked out of the cubicle. I washed my hands and looked into the mirror. There was so much mascara mixed with real tears imprinted on my face. I let my head drop and I felt Jillian and the others holding on to me.

I heard giggling and two girls entered the bathroom. I looked up to see Lily and Tee.

"Carmen?" Tee asked.

"You're okay!" Lily said, stepping forward.

"Don't you dare fucking touch me you TRAITOR!" I shouted the last part and my eyes were wide with anger. My fists were clenched.

"What?" Lily asked.

I stormed out of the bathroom and everyone, including Tee and Lily, followed. The whole DG was just around the corner and I marched up to them. Lily and Tee joined them.

"You all called me a fucking slut. No matter what you say I know it happened!" I crossed my arms. "I trusted you all. I knew I'd be let down. THESE people," I gestured to the girls and the rest of the gang, who were there too for a weird reason. "Actually like me and care for me and they will support me whatever decision I make!"

"…Decision?" Johnny whispered.

I closed my eyes and felt Freddy and Jake take a hand on each side. They didn't fancy me, we were all like family. "I'm pregnant."

Everyone either gasped or their eyes widened, except for the girls who were with me and heard me shouting (Lily and Tee didn't but they didn't make a sound).

"And no matter what, they will support me through this whatever I decide to do. Not that any of you care." I felt tears fresh at my eyes as I opened them. Tears clung to my eyelashes and fell.

"Carmen…it's not just you who makes a decision. Johnny is the father…" Sapphire began.

"He's not the one carrying a fucking baby, Sapphire! He's not the one who has to go through being sick every single day! He's NOT the one who has to decide whether or not to go through this pain!" I shouted. I dropped Freddy and Jake's hands.

"Whatever you decide to do…" Elektra was talking. "I want to be here for you." She stepped forward and opened her arms. "I'm sorry Carmen."

I stepped forward and hugged her, our arms wrapping around each other. I then turned to look at my gang.

"She's tough." I told them. "Real tough. And her own gang abandoned her. Please?"

"Alright." Nate agreed, and I hugged Elektra tightly.

"No. This ends here." Mike said. "I'm reporting you to the police."

"What?! NO!" I said angrily. "If you really cared, Mike, you'd respect my decisions! Please!" I begged. "Just let me feel loved for once."

He stopped, stared at me, then turned away. "You're not our problem any more." He said, and walked away. Gina followed close behind, then Lily dragged Harry off after them.

Tracy stepped forward and hugged me tightly. "Call me." She whispered, then followed. Tee hugged me and repeated it, and headed off with Frank. Liam hugged me tightly.

"I'm sorry." He said. "Let me know what's happening."

"Yeah, let us know." Sapphire agreed, and she hugged me.

Toby stepped forward. "We'll support you, Carmen, always." He said, and he hugged me too. Gus just walked away, scribbling in his notebook, with a wave to me as he went. One by one, they left, and Elektra went to get introduced with the gang, leaving me and Johnny standing opposite one another.

"You love her." I said, gesturing to Lily, who was waiting for him a good distance away.

"…I don't know." Johnny admitted. "I don't honestly…" he sighed and reached forward, placing a hand on my stomach. "I am so sorry."

"Me too." I whispered. "I'll call you, okay?"

"Yeah…do that." He said, and he leaned forward and kissed my lips lightly, before jogging to catch up with the others. Me, the gang and Elektra all headed off back to acmp, so that she could be acquainted with the only girls and boys who stayed behind: Isobel, Jacob, Lewis and Tia.


End file.
